This is just something that happened a long time ago that i just can't stop thinking about, and it's been haunting me ever since it happened. It's entirely my own fault though, i blame no one but myself.
A while back on tumblr, someone i know was holding a raffle thing. They'd make some free art for whoever wins, the usual kind of thing you'd see.
Now, i never actually win anything (for the most part) and if i ever do win anything, especially a contest, I get extremely happy, and it makes me feel like a million bucks for a long time.
Though, in this case, it was very much the opposite, and it damn near ruined me.
I hadnt been on tumblr for a long time, and i had completely forgotten about any sort of contest.
Lo an behold, when i finally decided to come back, I had some messages in my inbox. Turns out, I had WON the contest, but i was never online to claim my prize, so I ended up losing it.
Now, this drove me absolutely BONKERS. I was practically in shambles, i was literally short of breath with fear. I was so overcome with wanting that prize back, that i ended up making a complete fool of myself.
I ended up spamming messages to the person running the contest, begging to get the prize back, if there was anything i could do to get it back. After I had thoroughly made them lose any sort of respect or kindness they may have had for me, they said that it was possible, if the other winner never claimed their prize. I was calmed, for the time being. But even worse pain was to come.
Several days later, I had decided to message them again, since i noticed another one of the people i liked talking to was never replying to my messages. This is when i started to get really nervous. This other person was actually the contest-runners girlfriend, so i immediately assumed they must have talked to each other about my annoying anguish. I started sending many messages again, this time asking if they were angry at me. Because i'm not the brightest bulb, i never caught the obvious hints that they were indeed both mad at me, and eventually the contest-person just told me that i should lay off the messages, since i've been causing more trouble than they ever would have expected.
At this point, I had basically become one of those obnoxious people that you read about sometimes on parody websites. I was thoroughly humiliated on a personal level, and there was no way to go back. Which was made even more obvious later, when i sent another message to the girlfriend a while later because she wanted to do art trades, and she said that "I was smothering her, and she would like me to leave her alone for a while." I obliged, and for about 2 or so months now, I had left both of them alone.
I don't know how to tell if someone blocks you on tumblr, but either way, I have a feeling both of them blocked me. At this point i would do ANYTHING to reverse the horribly stupid things i've done, but i think I just need to face facts that i've lost my friendship with some very nice people, and i'll never ever get it back.
But it's hard, it's very very hard to get over something like this, at least for me. It may take a long time.
If anyone actually read this whole thing, thank's for listening to my rant.
If either of you two that i've been referring to see this... I really hope you can eventually forgive me. I have learned my lesson. If you can't though, I understand. If I really am that toxic of a person, I don't deserve friends as cool and nice as you two.
Listening to: Old music
Watching: Youtube Videos
Playing: Smash Bros.